Editing Round the Horne (section)

===Charles and Fiona===
{{Quote box |bgcolor=#F7F8F9 |salign=center| What would London's West End Theatre be without these ineffable thespians? How can one describe them without invoking the law of libel? They're earthquakingly, mind-bendingly, stomach-turningly, heart-stoppingly, knee-tremblingly awful.|source=Barry Took.{{sfn|Took|Coward|2000|p=135}}| align=right|width=25%}}

Charles and Fiona are supposedly characters played by an extremely theatrical actor and actress: "ageing juvenile Binkie Huckaback" (Paddick) and Dame Celia Molestrangler (Marsden). The two, originally based on the theatre stars [[Alfred Lunt]] and [[Lynn Fontanne]],{{sfn|Took|1998|pp=117–118}} were introduced in the eighth programme of the first series, and quickly became a fixture. They appeared in parodies of "[[stiff upper lip|stiff-upper-lip]]" dramas by [[Noël Coward]] and others; their fictitious plays had titles such as ''Present Encounter'' and ''Bitter Laughter''.{{sfn|Took|1989|pp=31 and 45}}{{refn|Coward's plays and films include ''[[Present Laughter]]'', ''[[Brief Encounter]]'' and ''[[Bitter Sweet (operetta)|Bitter Sweet]]''.{{sfn|Morley|2005|pp=43, 83 and 94}}|group=n}}  Their agonised love affairs are punctuated by brittle, staccato dialogue, in which they talk of their emotions in tortuous sentences:
:'''Fiona''': All I could think of back here was you out there thinking of me back here thinking of you out there – back here. Needing you, wanting you, wanting to need you, needing to want you.{{sfn|Took|Coward|2000|p=146}}
:'''Charles''': I don't have the words for it.
:'''Fiona''': I know.
:'''Charles''': I know you know.
:'''Fiona''': I know you know I know.
:'''Charles''': Yes, I know.{{sfn|Took|1998|p=104}}
Their sketches customarily end with an unexpected twist, such as the revelation that they are living in a telephone box, or are dining at the Ritz in the nude, or trysting in a refrigerator.{{sfn|Took|Feldman|1974|pp=111 and 143}}{{sfn|Took|Coward|2000|p=158}} Barry Took wrote that they were his own favourite ''Round the Horne'' characters.{{sfn|Took|Coward|2000|p=xiv}} During the second series they were dropped in favour of a new feature, "The Seamus Android Show" ([[#Seamus Android|see below]]) but were quickly brought back.{{sfn|Took|1998|p=146}}