Editing Shame (section)

=== Joseph Burgo's shame paradigms ===
There are many different reasons that people might feel shame. According to Joseph Burgo, there are four different aspects of shame. He calls these aspects of shame paradigms.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Burgo |first=Joseph |title=Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem |publisher=St. Martin's Press |date=November 2018 |isbn=9781250151315 |location=New York |pages=56}}</ref>
* '''Unrequited love: "'''Unreciprocated love that causes yearning for more complete love."<ref name=":7">{{Cite journal |last1=Bringle |first1=Robert G. |last2=Winnick |first2=Terri |last3=Rydell |first3=Robert J. |date=2013-04-01 |title=The Prevalence and Nature of Unrequited Love |journal=SAGE Open |volume=3 |issue=2 |pages=215824401349216 |doi=10.1177/2158244013492160 |s2cid=146146550 |issn=2158-2440|doi-access=free |hdl=1805/15150 |hdl-access=free }}</ref>
* '''Unwanted exposure:''' Something personal that we would like to keep private is unexpectedly revealed, or when we make a mistake in [a] public [setting]."<ref name=":8">{{Cite web |title=How To Deal With Shame In The Workplace  |url=https://balance.media/shame-in-the-workplace/ |access-date= |website=balance.media|date=22 March 2024 }}</ref>
* '''Disappointed expectation: "'''The feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest."<ref name=":9">{{Cite journal |last=W. |first=F. E. |year=1932 |title=Taxation: Federal Instrumentalities: Exemption from State Tax |url=http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/1280547 |journal=Michigan Law Review |volume=31 |issue=1 |pages=137–138 |doi=10.2307/1280547 |jstor=1280547 |issn=0026-2234}}</ref>
* '''Exclusion:''' Being left out of connection or involvement with others or groups that we would like to belong to.<ref name=":10">{{Cite book |last=Burgo |first=Joseph |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=V6xvDwAAQBAJ&dq=joseph+burgo+unrequited+love&pg=PR9 |title=Shame : Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem |date=November 2018 |publisher=St. Martin's Press |isbn=978-1-250-15130-8 |edition=1st |location=New York |pages=27 |oclc=1016939846}}</ref>

In his first subdivision of shame he looks into is unrequited love; which is when you love someone but your partner does not reciprocate, or one is rejected by somebody that they like; this can be mortifying and shaming.<ref name=":7" /> Unrequited love can be shown in other ways as well. For example, the way a mother treats her new born baby. An experiment called "The Still Face Experiment" was done where a mother showed her baby love and talked to the baby for a set period of time. She then went a few minutes without talking to the baby. This resulted with the baby making different expressions to get the mother's attention. When the mother stopped giving the baby attention, the baby felt shame. According to research on unrequited love, people tend to date others who are similar in attractiveness, leaving those less attractive to feel an initial disappointment that creates a type of unrequited love in the person.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Baumeister |first1=Roy F. |last2=Wotman |first2=Sara R. |last3=Stillwell |first3=Arlene M. |date=March 1993 |title=Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation. |url=http://doi.apa.org/getdoi.cfm?doi=10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377 |journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology |language=en |volume=64 |issue=3 |pages=377–394 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377 |issn=1939-1315}}</ref> The second type of shame is unwanted exposure. This would take place if you were called out in front of a whole class for doing something wrong or if someone saw you doing something you did not want them to see. This is what you would normally think of when you hear the word shame.<ref name=":8" /> Disappointed expectation would be your third type of shame according to Burgo. This could be not passing a class, having a friendship go wrong, or not getting a big promotion in a job that you thought you would get.<ref name=":9" /> The fourth and final type of shame according to Burgo is exclusion which also means being left out. Many people will do anything to just fit in or want to belong in society, e.g., at school, work, friendships, relationships, everywhere.<ref name=":10" />