Editing BDSM (section)

== Social aspects ==
=== Types of relationships ===

;Long term
A 2003 study, the first to look at these relationships, fully demonstrated that "quality long-term functioning relationships" exist among practitioners of BDSM, with either sex being the top or bottom (the study was based on 17 heterosexual couples).<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=99}}</ref> Respondents in the study expressed their BDSM orientation to be built into who they are, but considered exploring their BDSM interests an ongoing task, and showed flexibility and adaptability in order to match their interests with their partners.<ref name=autogenerated4>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=102}}</ref> The "perfect match" where both in the relationship shared the same tastes and desires was rare, and most relationships required both partners to take up or put away some of their desires.<ref name=autogenerated4 /> The BDSM activities that the couples partook in varied in sexual to nonsexual significance for the partners who reported doing certain BDSM activities for "couple bonding, stress release, and spiritual quests".<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=103}}</ref> The most reported issue amongst respondents was not finding enough time to be in role with most adopting a lifestyle wherein both partners maintain their dominant or submissive role throughout the day.<ref name=autogenerated2>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=104}}</ref>

Amongst the respondents, it was typically the bottoms who wanted to play harder, and be more restricted into their roles when there was a difference in desire to play in the relationship.<ref name=autogenerated2 /><ref name=autogenerated3>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=107}}</ref> The author of the study, Bert Cutler, speculated that tops may be less often in the mood to play due to the increased demand for responsibility on their part: being aware of the safety of the situation and prepared to remove the bottom from a dangerous scenario, being conscious of the desires and limits of the bottom, and so on.<ref name=autogenerated3 /> The author of the study stressed that successful long-term BDSM relationships came after "early and thorough disclosure" from both parties of their BDSM interests.<ref name=autogenerated3 />

Many of those engaged in long-term BDSM relationships learned their skills from larger BDSM organizations and communities.<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=108}}</ref> There was a lot of discussion by the respondents on the amount of control the top possessed in the relationships but "no discussion of being better, or smarter, or of more value" than the bottom.<ref name=autogenerated1>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=109}}</ref> Couples were generally of the same mind of whether or not they were in an ongoing relationship, but in such cases, the bottom was not locked up constantly, but that their role in the context of the relationship was always present, even when the top was doing non-dominant activities such as household chores, or the bottom being in a more dominant position.<ref name=autogenerated1 /> In its conclusion the study states:

{{Blockquote|The respondents valued themselves, their partners, and their relationships. All couples expressed considerable goodwill toward their partners. The power exchange between the cohorts appears to be serving purposes beyond any sexual satisfaction, including experiencing a sense of being taken care of and bonding with a partner.<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=110}}</ref>}}

The study further goes on to list three aspects that made the successful relationships work: early disclosure of interests and continued transparency, a commitment to personal growth, and the use of the dominant/submissive roles as a tool to maintain the relationship.<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=111}}</ref> In closing remarks, the author of the study theorizes that due to the serious potential for harm, couples in BDSM relationships develop increased communication that may be higher than in mainstream relationships.<ref>{{Harvnb|Cutler|2003|p=112}}</ref>

;Professional services
A professional [[dominatrix]] or [[professional dominant]], often referred to within the culture as a ''pro-dom(me)'', offers services encompassing the range of bondage, discipline, and dominance in exchange for money. The term ''dominatrix'' is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene. A non-professional dominant woman is more commonly referred to simply as a ''domme'', ''dominant'', or ''[[femdom]]'' (short for female dominance). [[Professional submissive]]s ("pro-subs"), although far more rare, do exist.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.professionalsubmissives.com/|title=Directory of Professional Submssives|url-status=live|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090209223852/http://professionalsubmissives.com/|archive-date=9 February 2009|access-date=6 October 2014}}</ref>

=== Scenes ===
In BDSM, a "scene" is the stage or setting where BDSM activity takes place, as well as the activity itself.<ref>{{cite web |title=BDSM Glossary |url=https://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html |website=Xeromag |access-date=5 October 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20181231044609/https://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html |archive-date=31 December 2018 |url-status=live }}</ref><ref>{{cite web |url=http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml |title=What is D/s |access-date=2012-01-29 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20120204120709/http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml |archive-date=4 February 2012 |df=dmy-all }} Dom Sub Glossary</ref><ref>{{cite web |last1=Ober |first1=Lauren |title=Kink 101 |url=https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/kink-101/Content?oid=2139583 |website=Seven Days |access-date=5 October 2018 |language=en |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20181006000351/https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/kink-101/Content?oid=2139583 |archive-date=6 October 2018 |url-status=live }}</ref><ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.mistresssky.com/terms.html |title=DEFINITIONS OF BDSM TERMS |access-date=29 January 2012 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20120224221722/http://www.mistresssky.com/terms.html |archive-date=24 February 2012 }} Mistress Sky terms</ref> The physical place where a BDSM activity takes place is usually called a dungeon, though some prefer less dramatic terms, including ''playspace'' or ''club''. A BDSM activity can, but need not, involve [[Human sexual activity|sexual activity]] or [[sexual roleplay]]. A characteristic of many [[BDSM relationship]]s is the [[Power exchange (BDSM)|power exchange]] from the bottom to the dominant partner, and bondage features prominently in BDSM scenes and sexual roleplay.

"The Scene" (including use of the definite article ''the'') is also used in the BDSM community to refer to the BDSM community as a whole. Thus someone who is on "the Scene", and prepared to play in public, might take part in "a scene" at a public [[Play party (BDSM)|play party]].<ref>*{{cite book|last = Aggrawal|first = Anil|year = 2008|title = Forensic and Medico-Legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices|url = https://books.google.com/books?id=uNkNhPZQprcC|publisher = CRC Press|isbn = 978-1-4200-4308-2|access-date = 5 July 2010|archive-date = 26 July 2020|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20200726171855/https://books.google.com/books?id=uNkNhPZQprcC|url-status = live}} P.147-148, 154, 172, 174</ref>

A scene can take place in private between two or more people and can involve a domestic arrangement, such as [[Servitude (BDSM)|servitude]] or a casual or committed lifestyle [[Master/slave (BDSM)|master/slave relationship]]. BDSM elements may involve settings of [[Master/slave (BDSM)#Slave training|slave training]] or punishment for breaches of instructions.

A scene can also take place in a club, where the [[Play (BDSM)|play]] can be viewed by others. When a scene takes place in a public setting, it may be because the participants enjoy being watched by others, or because of the [[Bondage equipment|equipment]] available, or because having third parties present adds safety for play partners who have only recently met.<ref>{{cite web |url=http://www.novad.org/Primer/Definitions.html |title=Definition of Terms |access-date=2012-01-29 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20120101092731/http://www.novad.org/Primer/Definitions.html |archive-date=1 January 2012 |df=dmy-all }} Novad Primer Definitions</ref>

=== Etiquette ===
Most standard social etiquette rules still apply when at a BDSM event, such as not intimately touching someone you do not know, not touching someone else's belongings (including toys), and abiding by dress codes.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://dominantguide.com/325/basics-of-dungeon-etiquette/|title=Basics of Dungeon Etiquette|date=29 April 2013|author=Rev|website=Dominant Guide|access-date=5 December 2016|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160831063125/http://dominantguide.com/325/basics-of-dungeon-etiquette/|archive-date=31 August 2016|url-status=dead}}</ref> Many events open to the public also have rules addressing alcohol consumption, recreational drugs, cell phones, and photography.<ref>{{cite web|title=Rascal's Club Rules|url=http://www.rascals-club.com/rules.html|website=Rascal's Club|access-date=25 May 2018|language=en|archive-url=https://archive.today/20140929223310/http://www.rascals-club.com/rules.html|archive-date=29 September 2014|url-status=live}}</ref>

A specific scene takes place within the general conventions and [[etiquette]] of BDSM, such as requirements for mutual [[Consent (BDSM)|consent]] and agreement as to the [[Limits (BDSM)|limits]] of any BDSM activity. This agreement can be incorporated into a [[Contract (BDSM)|formal contract]]. In addition, most clubs have additional rules which regulate how onlookers may interact with the actual participants in a scene.<ref>{{cite web |url=http://kinkyplayspace.com/club-etiquette/ |title=General Club Etiquette for ANY Fetish Play Club |publisher=kinkyplayspace |access-date=25 April 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180426013758/http://kinkyplayspace.com/club-etiquette/ |archive-date=26 April 2018 |url-status=dead }}</ref> As is common in BDSM, these are founded on the catchphrase "safe, sane, and consensual".

=== Parties and clubs ===
BDSM [[Play party (BDSM)|play parties]] are events in which BDSM practitioners and other similarly interested people meet in order to communicate, share experiences and knowledge, and to "play" in an erotic atmosphere. BDSM parties show similarities to ones in the [[dark culture]], being based on a more or less strictly enforced [[dress code]]; often clothing made of latex, leather or vinyl/PVC, lycra and so on, emphasizing the body's shape and the primary and secondary sexual characteristics. The requirement for such dress codes differ. While some events have none, others have a policy in order to create a more coherent atmosphere and to prevent outsiders from taking part.<ref>[http://www.datenschlag.org/txt/smpabes.html datenschlag.org] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20071130185724/http://www.datenschlag.org/txt/smpabes.html |date=30 November 2007 }} (German)</ref>

At these parties, BDSM can be publicly performed on a stage, or more privately in separate "dungeons".<ref>Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy: ''The New Topping Book''. Page 163</ref> A reason for the relatively fast spread of this kind of event is the opportunity to use a wide range of "playing equipment", which in most apartments or houses is unavailable. Slings, St. Andrew's crosses (or similar restraining constructs), spanking benches, and punishing supports or cages are often made available. The problem of noise disturbance is also lessened at these events, while in the home setting many BDSM activities can be limited by this factor. In addition, such parties offer both [[Exhibitionism|exhibitionists]] and [[Voyeurism|voyeurs]] a forum to indulge their inclinations without social criticism. Sexual intercourse is not permitted within most public BDSM play spaces or not often seen in others, because it is not the emphasis of this kind of play. In order to ensure the maximum safety and comfort for the participants, certain standards of behaviour have evolved; these include aspects of [[courtesy]], [[privacy]], respect and safewords.<ref name=sm101 /> Today BDSM parties are taking place in most of the larger cities in the Western world.

This scene appears particularly on the Internet, in publications, and in meetings such as at [[fetish club]]s (like [[Torture Garden (fetish club)|Torture Garden]]), SM parties, gatherings called [[Munch (BDSM)|munches]], and erotic fairs like [[Venus Berlin]]. The annual [[Folsom Street Fair]] held in [[San Francisco, California|San Francisco]] is the world's largest BDSM event.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://folsomstreetfair.org/|title=Folsom Street Fair|access-date=11 December 2007|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20071215163221/http://folsomstreetfair.org/|archive-date=15 December 2007|url-status=dead}}</ref> It has its roots in the gay leather movement. The weekend-long festivities include a wide range of sadomasochistic erotica in a public clothing optional space between 8th and 13th streets with nightly parties associated with the organization.<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Folsom-Street-Fair-attracts-whippers-usual-5771032.php|title=Fantasy becomes reality at Folsom Street Fair|newspaper=Sfgate |access-date=13 February 2017|date=2014-09-22|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20170214183402/http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Folsom-Street-Fair-attracts-whippers-usual-5771032.php|archive-date=14 February 2017|url-status=live |last1=Fimrite |first1= Peter }}</ref>

There are also conventions such as [[National Leather Association International|Living in Leather]] and [[Black Rose (BDSM organization)|Black Rose]].