Editing Jewish views on marriage (section)

== Matrimony ==

=== Marital harmony ===
{{Main|Shalom bayit}}
Marital harmony, known as {{transliteration|he|shalom bayis}} ({{lang|he|שלום בית}}), is valued in Jewish tradition. The Talmud states that a man should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her more than he honours himself;<ref name="ReferenceA">''[[Sanhedrin (tractate)|Sanhedrin]]'' 76b</ref> indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth.<ref name="BaMe59b">''[[Baba Metzia]]'' 59b</ref> Similarly, a husband was expected to discuss with his wife any worldly matters that might arise in his life.<ref name="BaMe59b"/> The Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household,<ref>''[[Gittin]]'' 6b</ref> and [[domestic abuse]] by him<!--but not by her--> was also condemned.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> It was said of a wife that "God counts her tears".<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

As for the wife, the greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife who fulfils the wishes of her husband;<ref>''[[Nedarim (tractate)|Nedarim]]'' 66b</ref> to this end, an early [[midrash]] states that a wife should not leave the home "too frequently".<ref>''[[Genesis Rabbah]]'' 65:2</ref> A wife, also, was expected to be [[Tzniut|modest]], even when alone with her husband.<ref>''[[Shabbat (Talmud)|Shabbat]]'' 140b</ref> God's presence dwells in a pure and loving home.<ref>''[[Sotah]]'' 17a</ref>

=== Conjugal rights and obligations ===
Marriage obligations and rights in [[Judaism]] are ultimately based on those apparent in the [[Bible]], which have been clarified, defined, and expanded on by many [[posek|prominent rabbinic authorities]] throughout history.

Traditionally, the obligations of the husband include providing for his wife. He is obligated to provide for her sustenance for her benefit; in exchange, he is also entitled to her income. However, this is a right to the wife, and she can release her husband of the obligation of sustaining her, and she can then keep her income exclusively for herself. The document that provides for this is the {{transliteration|he|[[ketubah]]}}.

The Bible itself gives the wife protections, as per Exodus 21:10,<ref>{{bibleverse|Exodus|21:10|HE}}</ref> although the rabbis may have added others later. The rights of the husband and wife are described in tractate {{transliteration|he|[[Ketubot (tractate)|Ketubot]]}} in the Talmud, which explains how the rabbis balanced the two sets of rights of the wife and the husband.

According to the non-traditional view, in the Bible the wife is treated as a possession owned by her husband,<ref name="JewEncMar">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=marriage |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=213}}</ref> but later Judaism imposed several obligations on the husband, effectively giving the wife several rights and freedoms;<ref name="JewEncMar"/> indeed, being a Jewish wife was often a more favourable situation than being a wife in many other cultures.<ref name="JewEncMar"/> For example, the [[Talmud]] establishes the principle that a wife is entitled, but not compelled, to the same dignity and social standing as her husband,<ref name="Ket48a">''Ketubot'' 48a</ref><ref name="Ket61a">''Ketubot'' 61a</ref> and is entitled to keep any additional advantages she had as a result of her social status before her marriage.<ref name="Ket48a"/><ref name="Ket61a"/>

==== In the Bible ====
[[Biblical Hebrew]] has two words for "husband": {{transliteration|hbo|ba'al}} (also meaning "master"), and {{transliteration|hbo|ish}} (also meaning "man", parallel to {{transliteration|hbo|isha}} meaning "woman" or "wife"). The words are contrasted in Hosea 2:16, where God speaks to Israel as though it is his wife: "On that day, says the Lord, you will call [me] 'my husband' ({{transliteration|hbo|ish}}), and will no longer call me 'my master' ({{transliteration|hbo|ba'al}})."<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse||Hosea|2:18|HE}}</ref>

Early nomadic communities practised a form of marriage known as {{transliteration|hbo|[[Beena marriage|beena]]}}, in which a wife would own a tent of her own, within which she retains complete independence from her husband;<ref name="WRSKinship167">[[William Robertson Smith]], ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 167</ref> this principle appears to survive in parts of early Israelite society, as some early passages of the Bible appear to portray certain wives as each owning a tent as a personal possession<ref name="WRSKinship167"/> (specifically, [[Jael]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Judges|4:7|HE}}</ref> [[Sarah]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|24:26|HE}}</ref> and Jacob's wives).<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|31:33-34|HE}}</ref> In later times, the Bible describes wives as being given the innermost room(s) of the husband's house, as her own private area to which men were not permitted;<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Judges|15:1|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Judges|16:9|HE}}</ref> in the case of wealthy husbands, the Bible describes their wives as having each been given an entire house for this purpose.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|1|Kings|7:8|HE}}; {{bibleverse|2|Kings|24:15|HE}}</ref>

It was not, however, a life of complete freedom. The descriptions of the Bible suggest that a wife was expected to perform certain household tasks: spinning, sewing, weaving, manufacture of clothing, fetching of water, baking of bread, and [[animal husbandry]].<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Genesis|29:9|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Exodus|2:16|HE}}; {{bibleverse|1|Samuel|2:19|HE}}; {{bibleverse|1|Samuel|8:13|HE}}</ref> The [[Book of Proverbs]] contains an entire [[acrostic]] about the duties which would be performed by a virtuous wife.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Proverbs|31:10-31|HE}}</ref>

The husband, too, is indirectly implied to have responsibilities to his wife. The [[Torah]] obligates a man to not deprive his wife of food, clothing, or of sexual activity ({{transliteration|hbo|[[onah]]}});<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Exodus|21:10|HE}}</ref> if the husband does not provide the first wife with these things, she is to be divorced, without cost to her.<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Exodus|21:11|HE}}</ref> The Talmud interprets this as a requirement for a man to provide food and clothing to, and have sex with, each of his wives, even if he only has one.<ref name="JewEncHusWif">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Husband and Wife |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=H&artid=986}}</ref>

As a {{not a typo|[[polygynous]]}} society, the Israelites did not have any laws which imposed [[monogamy]] on men.<ref name="CheyneAndBlackJeal">{{EncyclopaediaBiblica |article=Jealousy, Ordeal of |section=Jannaeus-Jerah}}</ref><ref name="JewEncAdu">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Adultery |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=865&letter=A}}</ref> [[Adulterous]] married and betrothed women, as well as their male accomplices, were subject to the [[death penalty]] by the [[Adultery#In the Hebrew Bible|biblical laws against adultery]].<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Ezekiel|16:40|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Leviticus|20:10|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Deuteronomy|22:22-25|HE}}</ref> According to the [[Book of Numbers]], if a woman was suspected of adultery, she was to be subjected to the [[ordeal of the bitter water]],<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Numbers|5:11-31|HE}}</ref> a form of [[trial by ordeal]], but one that took a miracle to convict. The [[literary prophets]] indicate that adultery was a frequent occurrence, despite their strong protests against it,<ref>''Hebrew-English Bible'' {{bibleverse|Jeremiah|7:9|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Jeremiah|23:10|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Hosea|4:2|HE}}; {{bibleverse|Malachi|3:5|HE}}</ref> and these legal strictnesses.<ref name="CheyneAndBlackJeal"/>

==== In the Talmud and Rabbinic Judaism ====
The Talmud sets a minimum provision which a husband must provide to his wife:<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>
* Enough bread for at least two meals a day
* Sufficient oil for cooking and for lighting purposes
* Sufficient wood for cooking
* Fruit and vegetables
* Wine, if it is customary in the locality for women to drink it
* Three meals on each [[shabbat]] consisting of fish and meat
* An [[Allowance (money)|allowance]] of a silver coin (Hebrew: {{transliteration|hbo|ma'ah}}) each week

[[Beth din|Rabbinic courts]] could compel the husband to make this provision, if he fails to do so voluntarily.<ref>''Ketubot'' 77a</ref> [[Moses Schreiber|The Chatam Sofer]], a prominent 19th century halachic decisor, argued that if a man could not provide his wife with this minimum, he should be compelled to divorce her;<ref>Moses Schreiber, ''Hatam Sofer'' on ''[[Eben ha-'Ezer]]'', 131-132</ref> other Jewish rabbis argued that a man should be compelled to hire himself out, as a day-labourer, if he cannot otherwise make this provision to his wife.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

According to prominent Jewish writers of the Middle Ages, if a man is absent from his wife for a long period, the wife should be allowed to sell her husband's property, if necessary to sustain herself.<ref name="MaMiTI121022">[[Maimonides]], ''[[Mishneh Torah]]'', ''Ishut'' 12:10-22</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz70">[[Jacob ben Asher]], ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 70</ref> Similarly, they argued that if a wife had to take out a loan to pay for her sustenance during such absence, her husband had to pay the debt on his return.<ref name="MaMiTI121022"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz70"/>

In order to offset the husband's duty to support his wife, she was required by the Talmud to surrender all her earnings to her husband, together with any profit she makes by accident, and the right of [[usufruct]] on her property;<ref name="Ket46b47b">''Ketubot'' 46b-47b</ref> the wife was not required to do this if she wished to support herself.<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> Although the wife always retained ownership of her property itself, if she died while still married to her husband, he was to be her heir, according to the opinion of the Talmud;<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> this principle, though, was modified, in various ways, by the rabbis of the Middle Ages.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

===== Home and household =====
In Jewish tradition, the husband was expected to provide a home for his wife, furnished in accordance to local custom and appropriate to his status;<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> the marital couple were expected to live together in this home, although if the husband's choice of work made it difficult to do so, the Talmud excuses him from the obligation.<ref>''Ketubot'' 61b</ref> Traditionally, if the husband changed his usual abode, the wife was considered to have a duty to move with him.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> In the Middle Ages, it was argued that if a person continued to refuse to live with their spouse, the spouse in question had sufficient [[grounds for divorce]].<ref>Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:1-16</ref><ref>Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 76-77</ref>

Most Jewish religious authorities held that a husband must allow his wife to eat at the same table as him, even if he gave his wife enough money to provide for herself.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> By contrast, if a husband mistreated his wife, or lived in a disreputable neighbourhood, the Jewish religious authorities would permit the wife to move to another home elsewhere, and would compel the husband to finance her life there.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

Expanding on the household tasks which the Bible implies a wife should undertake,<ref name="JewEncMar"/> rabbinic literature requires her to perform all the housework (such as baking, cooking, washing, caring for her children, etc.), unless her marriage had given the husband a large [[dowry]];<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> in the latter situation, the wife was expected only to tend to "affectionate" tasks, such as [[Making the bed|making his bed]] and serving him his food.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> Jewish tradition expected the husband to provide the bed linen and kitchen utensils.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> If the wife had young twin children, the Talmud made her husband responsible for caring for one of them.<ref>''Ketubot'' 59b</ref>

===== Clothing =====
The Talmud elaborates on the biblical requirement of the husband to provide his wife with clothing, by insisting that each year he must provide each wife with 50 [[Zuz (Jewish coin)|zuzim]]'s-worth of clothing,<ref name="JewEncCos">{{Jewish Encyclopedia |article=Costume |url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=822&letter=C}}</ref> including garments appropriate to each [[season]] of the year.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> The Talmudic rabbis insist that this annual clothing gift should include one hat, one belt, and three pairs of shoes<ref>[[Ketubot (Talmud)|Ketubot]] 64b</ref> (one pair for each of the three main annual festivals: [[Passover]], [[Shabu'ot]], and [[Sukkoth]]).<ref name="JewEncCos"/> The husband was also expected by the classical rabbis to provide his wife with jewelry and perfumes if he lived in an area where this was customary.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

===== Physical obligations =====
The Talmud argues that a husband is responsible for the protection of his wife's body. If his wife became ill, then he would be compelled, by the Talmud, to defray any medical expense which might be incurred in relation to this;<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> the Talmud requires him to ensure that the wife receives care.<ref name="Ket46b47b"/> Although he technically had the right to divorce his wife, enabling him to avoid paying for her medical costs, several prominent rabbis throughout history condemned such a course of action as inhuman behaviour, even if the wife was suffering from a prolonged illness.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/>

If the wife dies, even if not due to illness, the Talmud's stipulations require the husband to arrange, and pay for, her burial;<ref name="Ket46a47b">''Ketubot'' 46a-47b</ref> the burial must, in the opinion of the Talmud, be one conducted in a manner befitting the husband's social status, and in accordance with the local custom.<ref name="Ket46a47b"/> Prominent rabbis of the Middle Ages clarified this, stating that the husband must make any provisions required by local burial customs, potentially including the hiring of mourners and the erection of a tombstone.<ref name="MaMiTorIs142324">Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:23-24</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz89">Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 89</ref> According to the Talmud, and later rabbinic writers, if the husband was absent, or refused to do these things, a rabbinical court should arrange the wife's funeral, selling some of the husband's property in order to defray the costs.<ref name="MaMiTorIs142324"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz89"/>

If the wife was captured, the husband was required by the Talmud and later writers to pay the ransom demanded for her release;<ref name="Ket51a">''Ketubot'' 51a</ref><ref name="MaMiTorIs141822">Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:18-22</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz78">Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 78</ref><ref name="JKShuArYD25210">[[Joseph Karo]], ''[[Shulkhan Arukh]]'', ''Yoreh De'ah'' 252:10</ref> there is some debate whether the husband was required only to pay up to the wife's market value as a slave,<ref>''[[Gittin]]'', 45a</ref> or whether he must pay any ransom, even to the point of having to sell his possessions to raise the funds.<ref name="JewEncHusWif"/> If the husband and wife were both taken captive, the historic Jewish view was that the rabbinic courts should first pay the ransom for the wife, selling some of the husband's property in order to raise the funds.<ref name="Ket51a"/><ref name="MaMiTorIs141822"/><ref name="JabAshEbEz78"/><ref name="JKShuArYD25210"/>

===== Fidelity =====
In the classical era of the [[rabbi]]nic scholars, the death penalty for adultery was rarely applied. It forbids conviction if:
* the woman had been raped, rather than consenting to the crime;<ref>''Ketubot'' 51b</ref>
* the woman had mistaken the paramour for her husband;<ref name="JewEncAdu"/>
* the woman was unaware of the laws against adultery before she committed the crime;<ref name="JewEncAdu"/>
* the woman had not been properly warned. This requires that the two witnesses testifying against her warn her that the [[Torah]] prohibits adultery; that the penalty for adultery is death; and that she immediately responded that she is doing so with full knowledge of those facts. Even if she was warned, but did not acknowledge those facts immediately upon hearing them, and immediately before doing the act, she is not put to death. These conditions apply in all death-penalty convictions.<ref>Talmud, Ketubot 33a</ref>

These rules made it practically impossible to convict any woman of adultery; in nearly every case, women were acquitted.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/> However, due to the belief that a priest should be untainted, a [[Kohen]] was compelled to divorce his wife if she had been raped.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/><ref>''Yebamot'' 56b</ref>

In [[Amoraim|Talmudic]] times, once the death penalty was no longer enforced for any crime,<ref>''Sanhedrin'' 41</ref> even when a woman was convicted, the punishment was comparatively mild: adulteresses were flogged instead.<ref name="JewEncAdu"/> Nevertheless, the husbands of convicted adulteresses were not permitted by the Talmud to forgive their guilty wives, instead being compelled to divorce them;<ref>''Sotah'' 6:1</ref> according to [[Maimonides]], a conviction for adultery nullified any right that the wife's [[Ketubah|marriage contract]] (Hebrew: {{transliteration|he|ketubah}}) gave her to a compensation payment for being divorced.<ref>Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 24:6</ref> Once divorced, an adulteress was not permitted, according to the Talmudic writers, to marry her paramour.<ref>''Sotah'' 5:1</ref>

As for men who committed adultery (with another man's wife<!--rather than with an unmarried woman-->), [[Abba ben Joseph bar Hama|Abba ben Joseph]] and [[Abba Arika]] are both quoted in the Talmud as expressing abhorrence, and arguing that such men would be condemned to [[Gehenna]].<ref>''Sotah'' 4b</ref>

===== Family purity =====
{{Main|Niddah}}
The laws of "family purity" ({{transliteration|he|taharat hamishpacha}}) are considered an important part of an Orthodox Jewish marriage, and adherence to them is (in Orthodox Judaism) regarded as a prerequisite of marriage. This involves observance of the various details of the menstrual {{transliteration|he|[[niddah]]}} laws. Orthodox brides and grooms attend classes on this subject prior to the wedding. The niddah laws are regarded as an intrinsic part of marital life (rather than just associated with women). Together with a few other rules, including [[Keri|those about the ejaculation of semen]], these are collectively termed "family purity".

===== Sexual relations =====
In marriage, conjugal relations are guaranteed as a fundamental right for a woman, along with food and clothing.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/465161/jewish/The-Purposes-of-Marriage-in-Judaism.htm|title=The Purposes of Marriage in Judaism|website=www.chabad.org}}</ref> This obligation is known as {{transliteration|he|[[onah]]}}.<ref>{{cite web |last1=Friedman |first1=Avraham Peretz |title=Marital intimacy: A traditional Jewish approach |url=https://books.google.com.pk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=p9dYAgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR4&dq=Onah+is+a+Mitzvah+that+obliges+the+husband+to+be+attentive+and+responsive+to+his+wife%27s+emotional+and+intimate+needs&ots=Am_OPDj6eb&sig=gQR8LAQvwBsw5SPGEUQMq6KIzAs&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false |publisher=Compass Books |access-date=April 16, 2025 |page=91 |date=2014}}</ref> Sex within marriage is the woman's right, and the man's duty. The husband is forbidden from raping his wife, they are not to be intimate while drunk or while either party is angry at the other. A woman should be granted a {{transliteration|he|[[Get (divorce document)|get]]}} (divorce) if she seeks it because her husband is disgusting or loathsome to her. If either partner consistently refuses to participate, that person is considered rebellious, and the other spouse can sue for divorce.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/maimonides|title=Maimonides|website=Jewish Women's Archive|date=12 July 2021 }}</ref> A very large number of Jewish texts attempting to regulate marital sexuality exist. This category can vary: it can mean a few biblical verse, chapters in medieval books of law, or self-standing modern traditional Jewish guides to marital sexuality. One should always remember that the fact a certain activity is recommended or forbidden, does not mean that in reality the advice is followed. We can know what generally traditional Jews were told to do or not to do in their bedrooms. We can very rarely know what actually happened.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Marienberg |first=Evyatar |title=Traditional Jewish sex guidance: a history |date=2022 |publisher=Brill |isbn=978-90-04-51900-8 |series=Brill's series in Jewish studies |location=Leiden ; Boston}}</ref>