Editing Yakov Smirnoff (section)

==="America: What a country!"===
Some of Smirnoff's jokes involved [[word play]] based on a limited understanding of American idioms and culture:

* "I saw something that told me this was the place for me. It was a large billboard and it had my name on it: '[[Smirnoff]]...America loves Smirnoff!'"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=5–6}}
* "One day the [bar] owner changed my hours and told me I'd be working the [[Shift plan#Graveyard shift|graveyard shift]]. I thought to myself, 'Wow, a bar in a cemetery. What a country! Talk about your [[last call]]!' During [[Happy Hour]] the place must be dead!"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=17}}
* "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk...you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice...you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder...I thought to myself, 'What a country!' I'm making my family tonight!"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=52}}
* "I was recently in a supermarket and I saw something called [[Kotex|New Freedom]]. Freedom in a box! I said to myself, 'What a country!'"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=55}}
* At [[Denny's]]: "When I went in to be seated, the hostess asked me, 'How many in your party?' I said, 'Two million.' She gave me a corner booth."{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=40}}
* While holding a [[hot dog]]: "In Russia, we don't eat this part of the dog."{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=36}}
* "Like all foreigners, when you start to learn the language, you will begin by speaking [[Pidgin|pigeon English]]. You won't mind, because old ladies will feed you bread crumbs. (The really hard part is learning how to crap on windshields.)"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=30}}

Other jokes involved comparisons between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R.:

* "Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday. I really like [[Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade|parades]] without missiles. (I'll take [[Bullwinkle J. Moose|Bullwinkle]] over a tank any day!)"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=123}}
* "I only make fun of Cleveland because all Americans do. Every country has one city that everybody makes fun of. For example, in Russia we used to make fun of Cleveland."{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=120}}
* "They don't play baseball in the Soviet Union because there, no one is safe."{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=108}}
* "There aren't any such things as credit cards in the Soviet Union, not even [[American Express]]. They do, however, have Russian Express—'[[American Express#"Don't Leave Home Without Them"|Don't leave home]]!'"{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=5}}
* "America has many wonderful things we never had in Russia...like warning shots."{{sfn|Smirnoff|1987|p=88}}