Editing Self-esteem (section)

== Criticism and controversy ==

[[Albert Ellis]], an influential American psychologist, argued that the concept of self-esteem is actually harmful and unhelpful.<ref name="Ellis, A. 2001">Ellis, A. (2001). ''Feeling better, getting better, staying better''. Impact Publishers {{ISBN?}} {{page needed|date=December 2022}}</ref> Although acknowledging the human propensity and tendency to ego rating as innate, he has critiqued the philosophy of self-esteem as unrealistic, illogical and self- and socially destructive – often doing more harm than good. Questioning the foundations and usefulness of generalized ego strength, he has claimed that self-esteem is based on arbitrary definitional [[premise]]s, and overgeneralized, perfectionistic and [[Grandiose delusions|grandiose thinking]].<ref name="Ellis, A. 2001" /> Acknowledging that rating and valuing behaviors and characteristics is functional and even necessary, he sees rating and valuing human beings' totality and total selves as irrational and unethical. The healthier alternative to self-esteem according to him is unconditional [[self-acceptance]] and unconditional other-[[acceptance]].<ref>{{cite book |last=Ellis |first=A. |title=The Myth of Self-esteem |location=Amherst, NY |publisher=Prometheus Books |year=2005 |isbn=978-1591023548 }}{{page needed|date=December 2022}}</ref> ''[[Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy]]'' is a psychotherapy based on this approach.<ref>{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=pPeFALg673MC|title=The Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: Second Edition|first1=Albert |last1=Ellis|first2=Windy |last2=Dryden|year=2007|publisher=Springer Publishing Company|access-date=11 December 2017|via=Google Books|isbn=978-0826122179}}</ref>

: "There seem to be only two clearly demonstrated benefits of high self-esteem....First, it increases initiative, probably because it lends confidence. People with high self-esteem are more willing to act on their beliefs, to stand up for what they believe in, to approach others, to risk new undertakings. (This unfortunately includes being extra willing to do stupid or destructive things, even when everyone else advises against them.)...It can also lead people to ignore sensible advice as they stubbornly keep wasting time and money on hopeless causes"<ref>{{cite book |last1=Baumeister |last2=Tierney |year=2011 |title=Willpower: The Greatest's Human Strength |page=192 }}{{ISBN?}}</ref>

=== False attempts ===
For persons with low self-esteem, any positive stimulus will temporarily raise self-esteem. Therefore, possessions, sex, success, or physical appearance will produce the development of self-esteem, but the development is ephemeral at best.<ref>Nathaniel Branden, ''The Six Pillars of Self-esteem'' (Bantam, 1995), 52.{{ISBN?}} Also see Nathaniel Branden, ''How to Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence'' (Random House, 1988), 9. {{ISBN?}}Spanish edition: ''Cómo mejorar su autoestima'' (Paidos, 2009).{{ISBN?}}</ref> Such attempts to raise one's self-esteem by positive stimulus produce a "boom or bust" pattern. "Compliments and positive feedback" produce a boost, but a bust follows a lack of such feedback. For a person whose "self-esteem is contingent", success is "not extra sweet", but "failure is extra bitter".<ref name="psychologytoday.com" />

=== As narcissism ===

Life satisfaction, happiness, healthy behavioral practices, perceived efficacy, and academic success and adjustment have been associated with having high levels of self-esteem<ref>{{cite book|last=Harter|first=S.|editor=Eisenberg, N.|title=Contemporary topics in developmental psychology|year=1987|publisher=John Wiley|location=New York|pages=219–242|chapter=The determinants and mediational role of global self-worth in children}}</ref><ref>{{cite journal|last=Huebner|first=E. S.|year=1991|title=Correlates of life satisfaction in children|journal= School Psychology Quarterly|volume=6|issue=2|pages=102–111|doi=10.1037/h0088805}}</ref><ref>{{cite journal|last1=Lipschitz-Elhawi|first1=Racheli|last2=Itzhaky|first2=Haya|year=2005|title=Social support, mastery, self-esteem and individual adjustment among at-risk youth|journal=Child & Youth Care Forum|volume=34 |issue=5|pages=329–346|doi=10.1007/s10566-005-5906-5|s2cid=144623603 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal|last1=Swenson|first1=Rebecca R.|last2=Prelow|first2=Hazel M.|year=2005|title=Ethnic identity, self-esteem, and perceived efficacy as mediators of the relation of supportive parenting to psychosocial outcomes among urban adolescents|journal=Journal of Adolescence|volume=28|issue=4|pages=465–477|doi=10.1016/j.adolescence.2004.09.005|pmid=16022882 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Michaels |first1=M. |last2=Barr |first2=A. |last3=Roosa |first3=M. |last4=Knight |first4=G. |year=2007 |title=Self-Esteem: Assessing Measurement Equivalence in a Multiethnic Sample of Youth |journal=Journal of Early Adolescence |volume=27 |issue=3 |pages=269–95 |doi=10.1177/0272431607302009 |s2cid=146806309 }}</ref>{{rp|270}}{{excessive citations inline|date=February 2024}} However, a common mistake is to think that [[self-love|loving oneself]] is necessarily equivalent to narcissism, as opposed for example to what [[Erik Erikson]] speaks of as "a post-narcissistic love of the ego".<ref>{{cite book |first=Erik H. |last=Erikson |title=Childhood and Society |location=Harmondsworth |publisher=Penguin |year=1973 |page=260 |isbn=978-0140207545 |title-link=Childhood and Society }}</ref> People with healthy self-esteem accept and love themselves unconditionally, acknowledging both virtues and faults in the self, and yet, in spite of everything, are able to continue to love themselves. In narcissists, by contrast, an "uncertainty about their own worth gives rise to...a self-protective, but often totally spurious, aura of [[grandiosity]]"<ref>{{cite book |first=Simon |last=Crompton |title=All about Me |location=London |publisher=Collins |year=2007 |page=16 |isbn=978-0007247950 }}</ref>&nbsp;– producing the class "of narcissists, or people with very high, but insecure, self-esteem... fluctuating with each new episode of social praise or rejection."<ref name="SmithMackie" />{{rp|479}} For narcissists, regulating their self-esteem is their constant concern. They use defenses (such as denial, projection, self-inflation, envy, arrogance, and aggression), impression management through self-promotion, embellishment, lying, charm, and domination, and prefer high-status, competitive, and hierarchical environments to support their unstable, fragile, and impaired self-esteem.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Lancer |first1=Darlene|title=Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships|date=April 6, 2022 |location=Santa Monica, CA |publisher=Carousel Books |pages=19, 34–38 |isbn=978-0578373188}}</ref>

Narcissism can thus be seen as a symptom of fundamentally low self-esteem, that is, lack of love towards oneself, but often accompanied by "an immense increase in self-esteem" based on "the [[defense mechanism]] of denial by overcompensation."<ref>{{cite book |first=Otto |last=Fenichel | author-link = Otto Fenichel | title=The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis |location=London |year=1946 |pages=407–410 | publisher = Kegan Paul, Trench, Trubner & Co Ltd | url = https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.61482/page/n5/mode/2up?view=theater }}</ref>
"Idealized love of self...rejected the part of him" that he denigrates&nbsp;– "this destructive little child"<ref>{{cite book |first=Neville |last=Symington |title=Narcissism: A New Theory |location=London |publisher=Karmac |year=2003 |page=114 |isbn=978-1855750470 }}</ref> within. Instead, the narcissist emphasizes their virtues in the presence of others, just to try to convince themself that they are a valuable person and to try to stop feeling ashamed for their faults;<ref name="Bonet" />  such "people with unrealistically inflated self-views, which may be especially unstable and highly vulnerable to negative information,...tend to have poor social skills."<ref name="SmithMackie" />{{rp|126}}