Editing Limerence (section)

=== Uncertainty and hope ===
According to [[Dorothy Tennov]], "uncertainty" is a key element to limerence:<ref name="Tennov 1999 56">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=56}}</ref>

<blockquote>The recognition that some uncertainty must exist has been commented on and complained about by virtually everyone who has undertaken a serious study of the phenomenon of romantic love. Psychologists [[Ellen S. Berscheid|Ellen Bersheid]] and [[Elaine Hatfield|Elaine Walster]] discussed this common observation made, they note, by [[Socrates]], [[Ovid]], the ''[[Kama Sutra]]'', and "[[Dear Abby]]," that the presentation of a hard-to-get as opposed to an immediately yielding exterior is a help in eliciting passion.</blockquote>Rather than being an emotion itself, romantic love is a motivational state which can produce different emotions depending on the situation: positive feelings when things go well and negative feelings when things go awry.<ref name="refuting" /><ref name="fisher1998" /><ref name="fisher2002" /><ref name=":4" /> As one of Tennov's interviewees recalls it, "When I felt [Barry] loved me, I was intensely in love and deliriously happy; when he seemed rejecting, I was still intensely in love, only miserable beyond words."<ref name="Tennov 1999 44">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=24,44-45}}</ref> According to Tennov's theory, the goal of limerence is "oneness" with the LO, i.e. mutual reciprocation or return of feelings, and two elements are required for limerence to develop and intensify: hope and uncertainty. There must be at least some hope that the LO will reciprocate, but uncertainty over LO's true feelings is required for the most intense preoccupation and mood changes to occur.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=x,44-46,54,57,120,218}}</ref> Mutual reciprocation is a matter of perception on the part of the limerent person, therefore Tennov says the goal of limerence is "removing uncertainty" about whether or not the LO reciprocates.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=56,57}}</ref> Limerence then subsides when either 1) all hope of reciprocation is ended, 2) the limerent person enters a relationship with the LO and receives adequate reciprocation or 3) limerence is "transferred" to a different LO.<ref name=":6" />

Uncertainty has been interpreted as [[intermittent reinforcement]]s, which prolong the duration of limerence and keep the brain "hooked" in.<ref name=":5">{{Cite journal |last=Sternberg |first=Robert |date=1987 |title=Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-07409-001 |journal=[[Psychological Bulletin]] |volume=102 |issue=3 |pages=331–345 |doi=10.1037/0033-2909.102.3.331}}</ref><ref name="mccracken" /> When people behave inconsistently or contrary to expectations this can spark passion (ecstasy or agony).<ref>{{harvnb|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=103-105}}</ref> [[Robert Sternberg]] has written that passionate or infatuated love essentially thrives under these conditions: "Tennov's (1979) analysis suggests that limerence can survive only under conditions in which full development and consummation of love is withheld and in which titillation of one kind or another continues over time. Once the relationship is allowed to develop or once the relationship becomes an utter impossibility, extinction seems to take place."<ref name=":5" /> Hence, [[Judson A. Brewer|Judson Brewer]] characterizes the uncertainty of receiving an occasional message from an LO as "gasoline poured on the fire".<ref name="mccracken" /> "Limerence can live a long life sustained by crumbs," according to Tennov, who compares uncertainty to gambling: "Both gamblers and limerents find reason to hope in wild dreams."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=104–105}}</ref>

Uncertainty can also be introduced by the presence of barriers to a relationship, or what Tennov calls "intensification through adversity".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=24,56–57}}</ref> The presence of barriers was crucial to the mutual limerence of [[Romeo and Juliet]], hence this is often called "the Romeo and Juliet effect."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=57}}</ref> [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] calls it "frustration attraction", and has suggested that it happens because [[dopamine]] levels increase in the brain when an expected reward is delayed.<ref name="Fisher 2016 21" /><ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2004|pp=16,161–162}}</ref><ref name="fisher2002" /> Another theory promoted by Fisher is that separation evokes panic and stress, or activation of the [[hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis]].<ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2004|pp=163–164}}</ref><ref name="Fisher 2016 21–22">{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|pp=21–22}}</ref> According to Tennov, "It is limerence, not love, that increases when lovers are able to meet only infrequently or when there is anger between them."<ref name="Tennov 1999 71" />

One can attempt to extinguish limerence by removing any hope that an LO will reciprocate.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=123,265,267}}</ref><ref name=":6">{{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |title=Sexual Appetite, Desire, and Motivation: Energetics of the Sexual System |date=2001 |publisher=Royal Netherlands Academy of Arts and Sciences |isbn=9789069843056 |pages=111–116 |chapter=Conceptions of Limerence}}</ref> An individual who is the object of unwanted attraction should give the clearest possible rejection to the limerent person, rather than something more ambiguous like "I like you as a friend, but...".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=267}}</ref>