Editing Joe Versus the Volcano (section)

==Plot==
Joe Banks is a downtrodden [[everyman]] from [[Staten Island]], working a clerical job in a dreary factory for an unpleasant, demanding boss, Frank Waturi. Joyless, listless and chronically sick, Banks regularly visits doctors who can find nothing wrong with him. Finally, Dr. Ellison diagnoses an incurable disease called a "brain cloud", which has no symptoms, but will kill him within five or six months. Ellison says that the symptoms he has been experiencing are actually [[Psychosomatic illness|psychosomatic]], caused by trauma in his previous job as a firefighter. Ellison advises him to live the few remaining months of his life well. Joe tells his boss off, quits his job, and asks former coworker DeDe out on a date. Their date is a success, but when Joe tells DeDe that he is dying, she tells him she cannot deal with the revelation and leaves.

The next day, a wealthy industrialist named Samuel Graynamore makes Joe an unexpected proposition. Graynamore needs "bubaru", a mineral essential for manufacturing [[Superconductivity|superconductors]]. There are deposits of it on the tiny [[Pacific Ocean|Pacific]] island of Waponi Woo, but the resident Waponis will only let him mine it if he solves a problem for them. They believe that the fire god of the volcano on their island must be appeased by a voluntary human sacrifice once every century, but none of them are willing to volunteer this time around. Graynamore offers to pay for whatever Joe wants to enjoy his final days, as long as he jumps into the volcano within 20 days. With nothing to lose, Joe accepts.

Joe spends a day and a night out on the town in [[New York City]], where he solicits advice on everything from style to living life to the fullest from his chauffeur, Marshall. He also purchases four top-of-the-line, waterproof [[Trunk (luggage)#Styles and manufacturers|steamer trunks]] from a fanatically dedicated luggage salesman.

Joe then flies to Los Angeles, where he is met by one of Graynamore's daughters, Angelica, a flighty socialite. The next morning, Angelica takes Joe to her father's yacht, the ''Tweedledee''. The captain is her half-sister Patricia. Patricia has reluctantly agreed to take Joe to Waponi Woo; Graynamore has promised to give her the yacht in return.

After an awkward beginning, Joe and Patricia begin to bond. Then they run into a typhoon. Patricia is knocked unconscious and flung overboard. After Joe jumps in to rescue her, lightning strikes, sinking the yacht. Joe is able to construct a raft by lashing together his steamer trunks. Patricia does not regain consciousness for several days. Joe doles out the small supply of fresh water to her, while he gradually becomes delirious from thirst. He experiences a revelation during his delirium and thanks God for his life. When Patricia finally awakens, she is deeply touched by Joe's self-sacrifice. They then find that they have luckily drifted to their destination.

The Waponis treat them to a grand feast. Their leader, Chief Tobi, asks one last time if anyone else will volunteer, but there are no takers and Joe heads to the volcano. Patricia tries to stop him, declaring her love for him. He admits he loves her as well, "but the timing stinks." Patricia persuades Joe to have the chief marry them.

Afterwards, Patricia refuses to be separated from her new husband. When Joe is unable to dissuade her, they jump in together, but the volcano erupts at that moment, blowing them out into the ocean. The island sinks, but Joe and Patricia land near Joe's trusty steamer trunks. At first ecstatic about their miraculous salvation, Joe tells Patricia about his fatal brain cloud. She recognizes the name of Joe's doctor as that of her father's crony and realizes that Joe has been set up. He is not dying and they can live happily ever after.